Defying Gravity

Once upon a time, there was an adventurous young girl.  Her bright eyes were full of wonder of life's possibilities.  She lived alone with her grandfather, an old crippled man with a love of maps and story telling.  Her grandfather had thousands of maps in his collection, old, dusty maps of far away places.  But there's one map in his collection that the little girl was most fascinated with.

When the little girl first came to live with her grandfather, she was sad from the loss of her parents.  So he took a map of mountains not far from his home and drew over the top of it.  He drew a gateway to an imaginary word of his own creation; a world that doesn't exist.  That night, as he tucked his sweet, sad granddaughter into her bed, he pulled out the map and began to tell her a story.

The little girl's heart filled with curiosity and delight over this magical place.  Every night she begged her grandfather to tell her more.  It was a world filled with magic and mystery.  It was a place where anything could happen and the impossible became possible.  Call it Wonderland, Neverland, Narnia, or even the fae world.  The name didn't really matter.  It was the fantastical fact that simply anything could happen there.

The more her grandfather told her, the more the little girl believed that this world was real.  And the fact there was a map made the whole story that much more valid.  Her grandfather had no idea how very real this place he invented was to the little girl, for if he had, he would have surely told her the truth.

One day the little girl was gazing upon the map, tracing the lines with her fingers, when she finally decided she HAD to see this place for herself.  But she could never ask her grandfather to take her.  He was old and had trouble walking.  There was no way he could make the journey, and she knew he would never allow her to go alone.  She was a little girl, after all.  But her passion and desire to see this kingdom overruled her common sense and duty to obey her grandfather.  So she packed her backpack with jacket, a change of clothes, and few peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.  When she was sure her grandfather was asleep, she slipped out into the night.

In the morning, her grandfather awoke to find a note on the little girl's bed with a walkie talkie laying next to it.  The note told him that she'd taken his map, that she was sorry, but she needed to go see this magical land for herself.  She promised that she would be careful and that she would call him on the walkie talkie soon.  The old man was terrified of the danger his precious granddaughter might be in.  He paced and paced until finally, the walkie talkie clicked and the sound of her voice filled the air.

She assured him that she was safe and that even though the journey was dangerous, she knew she had to do it.  He begged her to come home where it was safe. But she refused.  Then she told him she needed to save the battery on the walkie talkie.  But she promised to call again soon before the radio clicked again and went silent.

Terrified and in a state of complete panic, the old man picked up the phone and called the police.

For days, they combed the forest land and the mountains nearby, searching for any signs of the little girl.  But their efforts were in vain.  Each night, she called on the radio and spoke to her grandfather, and each night she told him the most wonderful stories.  She told him about her adventures slaying dragons, meeting elves, and dining with dwarves.  He was always relieved to hear from her and each night, after she finished telling of her adventures, he begged her to come back home.  But she always refused.

Then one day she made her final call.  She told her grandfather that she'd found the doorway that she'd been searching for and that she was sorry, but she wouldn't be able to call him again.  The magical place was everything he'd told her about.  But once she went through the door, she could never come back.  

"I love you grandfather.  Thank you so much for telling me the stories."

One more time, he begged her to come home to the safety of the real world.  He told her the place in his stories was just a fantasy and that he'd made it all up to make a sad little girl feel better.  He pleaded and cried, terrified that he would never see his beloved granddaughter ever again.  But she only responded by calmly assuring him that she would be okay.  Then there was silence.

A few days later, the police find the little girl's backpack and the walkie talkie next to a steep, rocky cliff with a raging river rushing along below.  No body is ever recovered, but the little girl is pronounced dead.

For the rest of his years, the old man spends his days sitting on his rocking chair on the front porch.  Sometimes he cries for his granddaughter.  But sometimes he looks at that big, looming mountain in the distance, and he wonders.  What if she did make it?  What if the world that he thought was just a story, was real?  What if.....

This story was a dream of mine a few nights ago.  It was a lovely dream that reminded me of all the fairy tales and stories I'd grown up with.  But the more I thought about it, the more it nagged at me.  This wasn't a typical dream for some reason.  There was something about it that bugged me.

I've always believed that dreams are a gateway to our subconscious.  Dreams are important in understanding ourselves and processing the things that are most important to us.  So with this in mind, I did a little research.

For those that don't know me, I'm a writer.  I've never been published, though.  In fact, I've never actually finished writing a story.  I come up with great ideas and then I lose focus and give up.  The idea of having a book finished and published....that's my fantasy world.  That's the story that I keep telling the little girl inside me.  I show this little girl the map, the proof of the existence of this world.  The map is my friends who have all been published, who have all shown me that this fantasy world DOES IN FACT EXIST.  

But the old man inside me still believes that he made this place up.  He still believes that it's just a really lovely story he told to a sad little girl to make her feel better when she felt so alone.  But he had no idea that she would take it all in and believe with her whole heart that it was real.

Ladies and gentleman, I think this little girl is ready to pack her peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and hit the road.  I keep trying to tell myself that it's all just a story, don't go, stay home where it's safe!  But I can't.  Because I think it really is real.  

I want to know what the little girl sees in this magical world.  The journey will be hard, the road will be tough.  But if I'm lucky, I'll slay a few dragons along the way, I'll meet with some really cool elves, and I'll have some dinner with a couple of dwarves.  And then, when I'm ready to make that final call, I know what to expect.  I know I'll beg myself not to go.  I'll tell myself it's not too late to turn back.  It'll be hard.  But I think I'm ready for that leap.

Elphaba said it best in Wicked....

Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes and leap!

It's time to try
Defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And you can't pull me down!

Christianity vs Homosexuality: A third side to the debate

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Advice for my soon-to-be teenage daughters

In five short years, my eldest daughter will be thirteen.  That thought horrifies me and keeps me awake at night.  Then, two years after that, my middle child will turn the dreaded age, and two years after that, my youngest baby will join the ranks.  That means in nine years, I will have lost my little innocent girls to boys, hormones, and pop music.  I will no longer be the cool mom who understands them, the sole source of comfort and advice, the all knowledgeable person they look up to.  They will go from being obsessed with My Little Pony and Monster High to bras and make-up.  They'll be at the mercy of the Miley Cyruses and Justin Biebers of the world.

*Panic attack ensues*

Eleven years ago, I officially stopped being a teenager.  So before I completely forget what it was like to feel awkward and hormonal, I have a few bits of knowledge I'd like to share.

#1  Boys

With all honesty, boys don't become really interesting until you hit your twenties.  I don't say this because I don't want you to date in your teens.  I say this because between your hormones and the pressure that boys put on you, you're going to want to have sex.  Its totally natural.  I'm not asking you to wait until you're married. (That would be ideal.  But let's face it, it's not going to happen.  It wasn't that way when I was younger, and it won't be that way when you are older.  So feel free to remind me of that when we have this conversation in a few years.) What I am asking, is that you wait until after high school at the least.  Because if its true love, it can wait four measly years.  But more to the point, I promise you that even though he's super cute and sweet, you guys make the perfect couple, you have all the same interests, your friends like him, and you believe with everything in your heart that you will be together forever....he isn't nearly as exciting as the guys will be when you are older.  I can say this with utmost certainty because of one very important fact.  That whole "Girls mature faster than boys" thing is absolutely true.  Teenage boys are incredibly boring compared to their older selves.  The older they get, the more interesting they become.  Of course, some of them will never grow up.  But those that do are WAY more fun.

Plus, (and I will deny saying this when you are older, even if its in print) sex with boys is lame.  Sex with a man, however....well that can be amazing.  So wait a few years.  Its not the eternity that you think it is.

And if you don't believe that I know what I'm talking about, remember that I write romance stories and I have three kids.  I know what sex is.  But more importantly, I know what GOOD sex is, and there's no such thing as GOOD sex in high school, there's only mediocre sex.

#2  High School

As much as you tell me that its different for you than when I was younger, its not.  The music is a little different and the clothes have changed.  But the basic concepts and struggles are the same.  The majority of your high school career will be filled with fear, anxiety, apprehension, and the need to "fit in."  High school is like this tiny society that functions within the real world.  It has it's own set of rules and unfortunately, it doesn't come with a manual.  There are going to be a ton of problems that you will face.  Its just a part of growing up.  But there are two things that I want to remind you of, two things that you need to remember when facing ANY tough problem.
A.  High School lasts four years.  Its four tiny years of your life, and almost immediately after you get out, you forget about it.  No matter what you do, no matter how embarrassing the situation is, it will be forgotten almost as soon as that diploma is in your hands.  From that moment on, you don't ever have to look at those people again if you don't want to.  So if you fart in the middle of doing sit-ups in gym class, you blow chunks during algebra, or someone gets a video of you doing something incredibly stupid and posts it on YouTube, don't despair....you'll only be known as "that girl" for no more than four years.  Your future co-workers won't know anything about it.
B.  No matter how tragic, how life or death, how eternally soul-crushing your problem is, there will be a moment in your adult years where you would rather switch places with your younger self so you won't have to deal with what you're going through.  You think your boyfriend breaking up with in the middle of the cafeteria, in front of everyone, is hard?  I promise you that having the lives of three tiny kids depending on you and NOT having any control over your circumstances is FAR more panic inducing.  Try being stranded in a car in subzero weather, terrified that your kids may freeze to death.  And I know you don't get it now, just like you think I don't understand your problem.  But someday you will.  All I ask is that you allow me the moment to say "I told you so."

#3  Your Parents

Here's a little tip that you need to know.  Look at me right now.  Do you see the wrinkles and gray hair?  This is how I appear to you.  But on the inside, I'm still only twenty-two.  I'm a dork.  I will embarrass the crap out of you.  Don't bother trying to make me "cool."  I never will be.  Don't offer to give me a make-over.  I don't want it.  Don't give me advice on how all the other moms dress and act.  I'm not them.  I have never been society's version of "cool" and I never will be.  Sorry.  You're stuck with me.  I will probably embarrass you in front of your friends.  I will tell stupid jokes that I believe are funny, but you will find ridiculous.  And its possible that there may come a time or two in your life, when you wish you had different parents.
Your Dad is going to be a challenge, too.  The first time you even mention boys, he's going to hit the roof.  Expect that the first time you bring home a date, he's going to be sitting on the couch, cleaning his rifle, telling your boyfriend what a great marksman he is.  There will be moments where you wish you could just crawl into a hole and die.  He will purposely try to embarrass you enough that your date will never want to go out with you again.  (See #1 for dealing with boy problems.)
He will be overprotective, and I will make you feel like the social outcast of the school.  But you know what?  We love you and we want what's best for you.  No matter what happens, there is nothing you can do that will make us stop loving you.

#4  Friends

There are two kinds of friends in high school; the ones who genuinely care about you, and the ones who throw your ass under the bus to save their own skins.  Learn to spot the difference quickly.  But sometimes, its hard to tell.  I'm not saying to never trust your friends.  But remember that anything you say to a bestie in private, can be plastered all over Facebook if you two have a falling out.  So before saying anything you wouldn't want seen on the internet, stop and think.
But the most important thing I can tell you about friends, is to be a good one.  High school is hard enough.  Don't be that kid that makes someone else's life miserable.  Don't be the one who posts embarrassing videos or gossips about the geek.  Its not awesome or funny, and it doesn't earn you respect.  Be trustworthy and nice.  I guarantee that those qualities go a long way in the adult world.  The theory that "nice guys finish last," is completely ridiculous.

    "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."   ~Maya Angelou

I wish you the best of luck in your teenage years.  If they're anything like mine, they will be traumatic.  But the good news is, I survived and look at how normal I turned out!  That doesn't really help, does it?  Well, with a little luck, you'll come out of it a little less scathed and hopefully not pregnant.

Oh God, please don't get pregnant.

*Breathes into a paper bag*